Soreen

I grew up in the late 80s/early 90s, when there was still lead in paints, we didn't have to wear seatbelts and parents could smack children. It's a surprise we've all made it this far.

Most things I grew up with have become outlawed (see above paragraph), outdated (mine and my brother's matching shell suits) or outlived (my rabbit). But some things are still, thankfully going strong.

One of my favourite memories is coming home from primary school, racing my brother up the stairs and getting the malt loaf out (for all of you millennials, that's what Soreen was called when I were a wee 'un) and cutting thick slices off, slathering them in butter and bunging it into the microwave for ten seconds. The result? Ultimate gooey goodness. And it was approved by mother for being vaguely healthy (liquorice was also vested this lofty status).

Over Christmas dinner it transpired that the both of us still continue this tradition (minus the racing each other up the stairs), only this time it is actually butter we spread, rather than the hydrogenated-oil rich margarine replacement everyone was so fond of back then. As I said, how did we survive to be this old?

It seems that the people over at Soreen HQ (did you know it's made in Manchester?) either did EXACTLY THE SAME THING WE DID AS KIDS, or just have a lateral thinking product development team who realised 'we need to make different kinds of Soreen, because in this day and age you need a million new products a day to survive as a brand...'. Anyways they've developed pre-sliced loaves, two different types to be exact - one that's toast shaped and one that's just a normal loaf sliced, so toaster lovers and microwaves lovers can both get into the hot Soreen action (sounds slightly wrong - ed).

These pre-sliced loaves are amazing, no more sticky fingers/squashed loaves for me. I'm still finding it hard to decide whether micro-ed Soreen (melty/squidgy) is better than toasted Soreen (slightly crispy on the outside, gooey in the middle). What I do know is that the Festive and the Cinnamon Raisin versions are divine (sadly unsliced), but then again I'd think cinnamon heavy vomit was pretty damn edible - basically, buy them if you like hot cross buns, Christmas and er, cinnamon.

And yep, I've just written a blog post about a processed, pre-packaged fruit and malt loaf, but guess what it's my blog and I'm sick of naval gazing about the mouth feel of frickin' burgers or the way a plate is drizzled with oil. Get over it.

Soreen - available from most corner shops, supermarkets and other grocery type purveyors; or in my lucky case, from my friend who works there.

Maple Syrup, Bourbon and Candied Bacon Gluten Free Cupcakes - recipes

As much as I go on about cake, I'm not what you'd call a dyed in the wool cake lover. To be perfectly honest with you, I find cakes, especially cupcakes, a sickly sweet disappointment that I wished I had never ordered in the first place. I hate talking cake.

And I'm not one of those, standing in the kitchen every afternoon, rustling up some baked goodness to underline how much I'm fucking perfect wife material; there's more to life right now than conforming to some submissive female blogger stereotype.

Now I'm going to blow all of my postulating rhetoric clear of the cake mix and post a recipe for a) cake b) a cupcake WITH frosting (shudders) and c) a cupcake topped with the sweetest garnish available to humankind. I never claimed to be consistent.

These cakes are neither clever nor particularly original, I've located the currant zeitgeist and slapped it all on a cupcake - artists copy, geniuses steal and I'm so fucking genius that a day in my life hurts. That's why I make such great tasting food and why there's booze in most of the things I make.

Meat and booze on a cupcake - I rule

If you're a lady trying to stereotypically win the heart of a manly man and his bunch of nethanderal men friends, these cakes are for you. Likewise, they're pretty damn hipster, so you can take them over to your post-ironic loft parties and be all 'saaarrriousleee, you like so put meat on a cake, OMG that's so hot right now, let's all got to Famous and queue for hours like douches and Instagram dogs ironically on the way.' Or if you just want an excuse to pour booze in everything, like I do, then these are for you - and so are AA meetings; you/I have a problem

Some words of warning:
1. These cakes are not for vegetarians or kids. You'll have to omit the booze and bacon and there's really no point in that. Go get a recipe for vanilla cupcakes if you have bacon/booze beef.

2. I've taken out quite a bit of the sugar (see above for rant on sweet cakes), but you can add this back in if you have a sweet tooth/are angling to develop diabetes (try adding another 30 grams).

3. This is a gluten free recipe - but works just as well with regular self-raising flour.

4. I lied - I actually made these with Pine (Tar) Syrup from Finland - it's nowhere near as sweet as maple syrup, it has a smokey/piney finish that fits brilliantly with the bacon and the whiskey and I'm addicted to it. Substitute maple if you can't source it (or click here if you want to).

5. This is a bit of a long recipe, but it's well worth it and these will go down like THE BOMB wherever you take them. I can make you THAT COOL.

Maple/Tar Syrup, Bourbon and Candied Bacon Gluten Free Cupcakes

Ingredients

(Makes 16 small cupcakes or about 8 muffins)
125g butter at room temp, diced
100g caster sugar
2 eggs (free range please) (and at room temperature too)
3 tblsp Tar Syrup or Maple Syrup
1 tsp vanilla essence
Pinch of salt
175g Glutafin all purpose flour (you can use Dove's Farm SR gluten free flour or regular SR flour)
1 1/4 tsp gluten free baking powder (Dove's Farm does one) (or just a pinch of baking powder if using SR flour)
1 tblsp milk

For the frosting

90g unsalted butter
150g icing sugar
3 tblsp Woodford Reserve (or any other high quality bourbon)

For the garnish

2 tblsp soft light brown sugar
2 tblsp Woodford bourbon (or any other high quality bourbon)
6 rashers of smoked, streaky bacon (good quality, not that full of water shite)

Method

1. Set the oven to 190c/gas 5 and pop the cake cases in a cupcake tin.

2. Put the butter and sugar in a bowl and mix with an electric mixer till pale and fluffy.

3. Add the eggs one by one, adding a tblsp of the flour with each egg to help prevent curdling. Mix in well and then add in the syrup, vanilla and salt and give a quick whisk to combine.

4. Fold in the flour in two lots (it's easier and helps keep some air in there). If the mix is a little sticky (you want it a little wet, at dropping consistency) - add in the milk and mix again. Add more if needed.

5. Spoon the mix into the paper cases so they are about two-thirds full. I'm not going to be a pedant and make you level them all off, just max sure they are mostly level and not slopped all over or with way more mix on one side than the other.

6. Pop in the oven for 12-15 mins and take out when they are golden on top and a skewer inserted into the middle of a cake comes out clean. Take out of the tin and cool on a wire rack whilst you prep the frosting and bacon.

7. Whilst the cakes cool, fry up the bacon. I only have a small frying pan so fried two pieces at a time - DON'T overcrowd the pan, because then then bacon won't crisp up. Fry the bacon in batches till golden on each side, but NOT over-crisp. Put the bacon on a plate to cool and pour the bacon fat from the pan into a ramekin. The bacon should have cooled sufficiently for you to cut each piece into small strips - enough for each one of your cakes - do some maths/counting.

8. Wipe out the frying pan with a piece of kitchen paper, then add the light brown sugar and place on a medium heat. Add the bourbon and the bacon fat from the ramekin - but make sure you don't pour in any of the sediment from the ramekin. Don't stir the caramel and DON'T touch it as it's fucking boiling - just swirl the pan a few times to stop it sticking.

9. Once the caramel is bubbling, chuck in the bacon strips and bubble away in there until the caramel is really reduced and all the bacon is covered. Using tongs (not burnable fingers, we don't want a trip to A+E) take out the bacon and place on a greased plate (you can just use the plate that the bacon cooled on as that will be pretty greasy). If you want them to dry in a certain shape, bend them in to that now.

10. Whilst the bacon sets, bung all the frosting ingredients in a bowl and mix with the electric mixer. Add more icing sugar/bourbon as required. Load said frosting in to a piping bag (you can just put dollops on top with a spoon if you prefer) and pipe the frosting on to the cakes. Then top with the bacon, pour yourself a large measure (over ice) and congratulate yourself like all your fucking mates are going to when they see how clever you've been. No need to thank me, I drink so much that I'll have forgotten your name before you've even finished introducing yourself, let alone said thanks (however you CAN comment below for posterity).

NB - As I had said before, I enjoy booze in my food as it prolongs the haze in which life is bearable and other people almost acceptable. Because the booze isn't cooked off here, you want to use the best quality you can afford as you're going to taste it. I'm not going wax lyrical about Woodford as I've done that before - but seriously it's an amazing bourbon and it gives these cupcakes a caramel/vanilla/toffee/spicy touch that you don't get elsewhere.

Competition time! Cake and Bake Show Manchester Tickets!

There are many smells I enjoy and most of them involve food - garlic and onions softening, broad beans flowers on a hot morning, my fingertips green and fragrant from torn basil; but nothing beats that warm, homely, sweet smell of a baking cake.

I've been experimenting with cake flavours lately - I'm not a lover of sweet cakes; those oozingly, cheek-achingly, filing-creating clouds of fluffiness smothered in buttercream, dripping white chocolate and iced within an inch of their life - in order to not just keep knocking out lemon drizzle cakes and boring the socks off my friends.

This cake is light and perfumed, the flavours barely there, just the odd floral note tripping across the tongue. I'm pretty proud of it and those nice people at the Cake and Bake show are proud of me inventing new cake recipes so have given me TWO TICKETS to Manchester's Cake and Bake Show (which runs April 5-7 - more info HERE) to give to you happy readers.

So read my recipe and then, to be in a chance with winning, comment on the blog or send me a tweet @northwestnosh with the title of your favourite/most unusual cake recipe (no need to post the whole recipe) - the most creative/yummy sounding wins. IT'S THAT EASY! Comp closes Fri 29th March - good luck!

Gluten free Rosewater and Orange cake

Rosewater and orange cake (nb this is an orange and not a rose icing, hence the colour!)

Ingredients

3 large free range eggs, at room temperature - separated

160g unrefined caster sugar

80ml light olive oil (not heavy or EV as it will cover the flavour of the cake)

50ml rosewater

Zest and juice of half an orange

190g Doves Farm gluten free self raising flour

Pinch of Doves Farm baking powder (this is gluten free)

Pinch of salt

Once the cake is cooked

50ml rosewater

For the buttercream

100g unsalted butter, at room temperature

200g icing sugar

1-2 tblsp rosewater

For the icing

125g icing sugar

1 tblsp rosewater

Red food colouring

1. Preheat the oven to 180c (fan) and grease/line an 18cm cake tin

2. Beat the egg whites to peaks and set aside.

3. In a separate bowl add the sugar and beat in one egg yolk at a time on the lowest whisk setting. Once all the eggs are in, work through the whisk setting, spending about a minute at each speed, the mix will go pale and creamy. It may seem long-winded but the whole idea is to get as MUCH air as possible in your cake as gluten free flour doesn't rise in the same way and can be pretty flat.

4. Pop the orange zest in the bowl and then start your whisk on slow - whilst it's running drizzle in the oil, followed by the orange juice and the rosewater. As in step 3, work through your whisk's settings.

5. Add the flour, salt and baking powder to the bowl and fold in - I tend to do this in two separate amounts to make it easier. Be as gentle as you can to keep all that precious air in. I would advise against eating the batter right now - gluten free flour is pretty grainy and it tastes a bit like sand; DELICIOUS.

6. Add the egg whites is three separate amounts and fold in gentle gentle with a spatula or metal spoon (wood will knock the air out). Make sure you ensure it's properly incorporated otherwise you will get rubbery white bits throughout the cake.

7. Pour the mixture in to your tin, it will be wetter than a normal cake batter, but this is normal - then pop it in the oven for 35-40 min. It's ready when a skewer can be inserted and comes out clean.

8. Take the cake out and let it rest in the tin for five minutes, then take the cake out of the tin but leave it in it's paper and leave to cool on a rack.

9. Whilst the cake is cooling, make the buttercream by putting the butter in a bowl and whisking till light. Add in the icing sugar and beat again. The add the rosewater and, you got it, beat again. Give the butterceam a taste and add more sugar/rosewater as needed. This recipe makes slightly more than you will need so you can eat a big spoon of it when no one is looking (if you want to cover the whole cake in buttercream, then just double the recipe, it works, I've done it).

10. Once the cake is pretty cool, slice in half and drizzle each cut side with the rosewater and then sandwich the cake together with the buttercream and set aside whilst you make the icing.

11. To make the icing put the icing sugar in a bowl and add the rosewater a little at a time until the mix coats the back of a spoon, add a tiny drop of red colouring to make a light pink colour. Really it's that's easy. Leave to thicken for a few minutes and then pour over the cake and garnish with a rose petal if you have one.

12. Serve with a cup of fragrant earl grey or chai tea and eat in a summery garden, or (in reality) the warmth of the kitchen!