Kitchenette - Manchester

I'm just going to put it out there; I'm a bit over burgers. And hot dogs. And all the dirty food spin offs that have popped up around Manchester like a post MacDonald's binge rash on the sensitive skin of a greasy teenager.

I've always had an uneasy relationship with food spawned from deep fat fryers, covered in sugar and smothered in sauce. Unfortunately I was born a woman, in a time when the media has boomed and incessant images of the 'perfect' figure are beamed into my eyeballs 300 times a day, whether I'm taking notice or not. At my grand old age I should have learnt not to notice, but no matter how much my brain/education tells me to ignore it, I still guilt trip myself about every sinful extra calorie that passes my lips.

But I ramble and this food/female hand wringing guilt issue is often written about. Someone should just pay me to write a post-feminist op-ed column about being a lazy post feminist (hint, hint? - Ed) but I think Vice already have something like that.

So it's back to my high and mighty food opinions, because how dare I be more than a two dimensional food reviewer...

Kitchenette has just opened up at the top of Oxford Road, opposite the Palace Theatre. You will have walked past it a million times without batting an eyelid when it was Fellicini; for this reason Mud Crab (who owned Fellicini) have stuck some plant pots outside and had a rebrand. This is why we noticed it after the Cornerhouse told us there was a 30 minute wait and I needed feeding ASAP.



We almost walked past. After judging the down at heel diner look and the menu full of such un-original dishes as burgers, hot dogs and mac 'n' cheese, we thought we'd have eaten it all already. But in the corner of the menu was a little box, a box which contained the words 'Eat Buns Eat More Buns.' All of a sudden I realised that 'HOLY SHIT THIS PLACE DOES THOSE STEAMED BUNS YOU GET IN CHINA TOWN' (and yes my brain was actually shouting at me and I'm not a knob who just likes to use caps; I'd entered some sort of hunger brain meltdown and was just stood on a street corner drooling/shouting to myself).

So we went in. I'm glad we did.

Kitchenette has been made over in an industrial vibe (grey walls, metal bars, bit shabby), but with enough comfort factored in for harassed grandparents to feel at ease, when being pulled in for pre/post theatre snacks by their burgeoning-on-obese grandbrats. There are leather booths and large tables, a view of the canal (not sure if that's a plus or not, at least there's natural light in the back) and both times I've been in there's been a random mix of students, daters, suits and friends.

Pulled pork sliders, they so cute

First time we ate, we eschewed everything on the menu for the steamed hirata buns. Actually I lie, we had the pulled pork sliders to start (not my choice, it's another food stuff I'm pretending I'm over because I know how many calories it contains) and the pulled pork was pretty good - none of this salty, overly sweet, sauce laden gloop you get these days; properly seasoned, soft with a bit of bite and a salty/savoury warmth.

Back to the buns - these are basically like the steamed bun you get in Chinatown (as I already said), however these are:
 - much bigger
 - not filled
 - flat like a pancake, you fold them over like a taco.

The idea is that you order your buns and then order the filling - so we went for tempura sea bass and the sticky chicken. The sea bass was light, not greasy, divinely crisp on the outside, steamed silkiness on the inside and enough for two. The sticky chicken came in a salty, moreish bbq/teriyaki sauce with sesame seeds for extra crunch - it would have been better a bit warmer, but that was the only downside. You get lettuce for a fresh crunch and (my favourite thing in the world) kimchee to add a fermented cabbage punch in the mouth that you can't get from anything else (anything else not being fermented, spicy cabbage).

Superb fried chicken

Crunchy pork salad

Second time around we had spent the day carb-loading, so buns were out of the question. We started with the fried chicken - natch it comes in a takeaway carton, a serving aesthetic I honestly quite like (and I'm not being post-modern ironic or nuffink with that statement) - whoever's in the kitchen at Kitchenette knows how to fry chicken. Crispy, spicy batter, no taste of oil and the most tender, succulent, steamed chicken on the inside. The Colonel's got stiff competition.

Hanger steak was served medium-rare without us having to ask; silky thin slices cut through by a punchy Asian style salad was made perfect with a side of fries. The pork salad was a gamble (I usually hate the limp lettuce excuse for a mains salad you get everywhere in Manchester) but I wasn't disappointed. Finely shredded veg and crispy, sweet pork were covered in a gossamer of peanut/chilli/lime dressing - zingy, fresh and the perfect contrast to the buns I ordered on the side - well, I couldn't help it and the pork salad went so well in them and what about my kimchi fix...

Kitchenette's neat fusion of Asian and dirty foods (I would call it dirty Asian, but who knows what google searches I'll come up in if I do), spot on service and their better than other dirty restaurants cooking skills, means I think Kitchenette will ride out this dirty food storm and be a Manchester stalwart that you definitely won't walk past again.

Price for one starter, two mains, one side, two beers and two cokes - £31.50

Food - 8/10
Atmosphere - 7/10
Service - 9/10
Value for money - 8/10

Total - 32/40

Go again - yep, already notched up quite a few visits!

Kitchenette, 60 Oxford Street, Manchester M1 5EE - 0161 228 6633 - website - Twitter - Facebook

EXCLUSIVE Breaking News - Almost Famous Chilli Cook Off Tues 25th Party of the YEAR

STOP PRESS - date changed to Tues 25th Sept - STOP PRESS

What would you like in your mouth than a big bit of meat? How about hot, spicy, smoky meatiness? How about hot, spicy, smoky meatiness at a ONE OFF EXCLUSIVE end of summer special party with even hotter girls and even sweeter booze? And what if you could only find out about it/book it HERE?

After the success of Pig Out and to celebrate the passing of the sweetest/warmest/sexiest season, on Tues 26th Sept the Almost Famous kitchen staff will man up take on two fearsome conquistadors for a head to head chilli cook off and they want you to grab some asbestos mouthwash and then get yo’ sweet asses down to celebrate with them for this fiery, one off special.

Bubbly, spicy, fuck yeah goodness

Put the date in your diary NOW, underline it in red and buy yourself a ticket – it’s only £15 per person (with just a £5 deposit needed; so save up your money from selling crack to kids and pay the remainder on the night). What’s that, you need to be in beddy byes by 9pm? Don’t worry; there are two sittings – 5.30-8pm for the babies and 8.30pm till close for the bigger boys. (The later session will go on sale as soon as the first one sells out WHICH IT WILL BY TOMORROW - limited tickets you hear?).

‘But I can just stay at home with my Asda value mince and packet of Schwartz seasoning,’ I can hear your baby mouth whine. This isn’t any old chilli, or any old chilli eating night fools, this is a FAMOUS CHILLI NIGHT – as you enter it starts with the Lil’ Juan, a slider more sloppy than yo’ Mama’s kisses; then there’s going to be the five, fuck off chillies and because Almost Famous value you so much/this is a cook off (duh) they’re asking you to vote which one is best. This will all be followed by music, dancing with yo’ sister and pickling yourself in overproof moonshine.

This ain't your sister (left), but that is yo' mama (right)

So it sounds like a pretty tasty night for anywhere, but this is Famous baby, so you know it’s not going to end there don’t cha? They’re laying down the gauntlet to anyone* who thinks they’re hot/man/crazy enough to enter the Wings of Death competition. Pitting man against lady against chicken; whoever can get to the hottest scale of wings (start at suicide, end at DEATH) and eat more than the measly maggots trying to out-compete them, walks away the victor with a limited edition bottle of Fuck Yeah sauce and claims to international bragging rights/fittest girls in the Northern Quarter/being more winning than Charlie Sheen.

So how do you get to be part of the hottest, spiciest, meatiest party in town? Through this website and NO FUCKING OTHER, BABY. Nosh has secured a pre-order on the tickets, nowhere else can you get your hands on the hot little beauties (or the tickets either) – seeing as Pig Out sold out in two hours I’d order yours RIGHT FUCKING NOW – come on you pussy NOW on this link HERE!.

Ps Dress code Daisy Duke/Bo and Luke Duke/Brokeback/Magnum/Trailer Trash for FREE BOOZE.

Almost Famous, 100 High Street, Northern Quarter, Manchester M4 1HP

*The Wings of Death competition is open to first six fools, I mean people, who email through the contact page HERE – closing date for your entry is midnight Mon 25th Sept. North West Nosh and Almost Famous accept no responsibility if entrants end up wetting themselves/crying to Mummy/ in A+E.

Trof NQ - Northern Quarter, Manchester

Food fads, they come and go. 90s it was pesto, few years ago it was meatballs and now it's burgers and ribs. Well, that was the fad in London last year, obviously that means it's arrived up here now. So where better to find this latest foodie trend other than the hipster drenched streets of Manchester's Northern Quarter?

Trof NQ - with thanks to Buttered Crumpet

Whether Trof have spotted an opening after Almost Famous' truly phenomenal, short lived success; or were just impressed by AF's dedication to making the burger an edible entity rather than a formless, grey slush in between some disintegrating bun halves is a question I haven't asked anyone; however Wednesday nights are now slider time upstairs in Trof's new bourbon bar and their main menu burger (available every day) seems to have undergone a good-taste makeover too - when we mentioned this to our server she summed up, 'well we do have new chefs and they are good.' Good to know, seeing as I'll be eating their food.

New Wednesday menu

The short Wednesday menu is basically sliders, hot dogs and other Americana related items such as slaw, shakes and onion rings. Actually that's all there is on it.  There's a choice of three sliders, so we had one of each. Pulled pork was soft and smokey, rather drowning in a sweet, piquant sauce (no bad thing) but the adverted crackling wasn't self-evident. The lamb slider was delicious - a warm, cumin-y and in no way sweaty tasting. Beef and bone marrow was pink, tender, salty and moreish with all the good umami tastiness from the marrow without the greasy sloppiness you sometimes get from sucking it out of the bone.

Sliders - mini-burgers, maximum taste (ps I'm not into this slider fab BTW, make em proper size)

Taking advantage of the 'slightly less price if you buy two sides' deal we wolfed down some lightly battered but way too greasy onion rings and some tasty parmesan and truffle fries that were very sans truffle. I got a hit off one fry and that was my lot.
As mentioned before the Trof burger has had a little makeover, it seems almost the same, yet it's just been cooked/assembled well (maybe that's because they've got good chefs? - ed). I'm old enough to remember Trof when it was just a one place operation in Fallowfield, the burger was my treat each time that much needed loan cheque came in - when Trof expanded the quality of their burgers went steadily down hill - but this was a juicy, pink in the middle, charred on the outside delight served in a proper bun. Good to see them back on form.

Trof burger - back on form

Sitting in the bourbon bar we ditched the usual burger complimenting beer and supped (a lot of) cocktails (£5 before 8pm) - a parma violet aviation; sugary, minty julep; sharp Hemingway daiquiri and a smokey Martinez (precursor the martini apparently). All well mixed, all lethal; don't think I'd have the Hemingway again, it was just a little too sharp and a little too fruity, but that's just personal taste.

Martinez - dangerous and scrumptious

Trof's new menu makeover/new chefs/whatever is a good thing - there's care put in to the food, they're sourcing everything local/high welfare (eg. they use Frosts Butchers for their meat and he informs me it's all from Cheshire) and they obviously understand taste. Everything (bar the chips) had a perfect harmony of flavour with accompaniments cleverly chosen to cut through, highlight and compliment everything else on the plate.

And what do I think of sliders? Turn 'em in to proper sized burgers, I like more than a mouthful - especially when everything tastes so good!

Price for three sliders, two sides, one burger, one rendang and six cocktails - £60.40 (please note, the cocktails take up £30 of that!)

Food - 8/10
Service - 7/10
Atmosphere - 8/10
Value for money - 6/10 - the sliders are a bit expensive really.

Total - 29/40

Go again? Yes it's good for relaxed eats and the food has got back to its initial (good old days) standards.

Trof Norther Quarter, 8 Thomas Street, Norther Quarter, Manchester M4 1EU - 0161 833 3197 - nqmanager@trof.co.uk - Twitter - Facebook

http://www.trofnq.co.uk/

Almost Famous Burgers - Secret Location, Northern Quarter, Manchester

There's a lot for me not to like about Almost Famous Burgers - the fact that there's no reservations (I'm lazy and hate queues), you have to be on Twitter to know where it is, they have a statement saying no bloggers , they don't let you take photos (not like this is all a clever marketing ploy or something...), and the word 'nom' is on the menu. It's actually in the title of one of the burgers. I don't like the word nom. End of.

But the lure of good quality burgers was too much for me; so despite my initial reservations and the large list of 'why I would probably hate its,' I found myself outside a nondescript door in Manchester's Northern Quarter early one Saturday evening. Pushing through the door like delinquent children at a derelict factory's gates, we found ourselves walking up some stairs through offices, all the way up to a door with 'No Photos' emblazoned on it. It's not a conventional entry so don't be scared off by thinking (in their words) 'What the frick is this?!'

T'boy and I pushed the door open; a very Alice in Wonderland moment as  we tentatively peered round not knowing what to expect, our eyes taking a moment to focus and then we were greeted by a large, white rabbit in a waistcoat - sorry I mean; welcoming barmen with friendly grins, a cocktail class at the bar and various 20-somethings mooching around, choosing what to eat.

We went through to main eating area; which is white, bright and high ceilinged with wonderfully cheeky prints on the walls - not somewhere you'd expect to be serving up an all American menu; but a lovely space that made you concentrate on the food and not some kitchy route 66 decor - and what food!

Almost Famous concentrates on two main things - burgers and chicken wings. The menu's short, a selection of burgers with different toppings, three types of wings and some fries. As t'boy commented "it's a good sign, means it'll be good." And his sentiment rang true with every bite we took.

Menu - This is the only photo I took. I know, I'm lame.

Our Almost Famous burger was served almost pink (finally, somewhere doing this...); a fat juicy patty in a sweet brioche-type bun, covered in cheese, special sauce and some greenery for freshness and fun. I am going to put it out there that this might be the best burger I have ever had. It's definitely the best one I've had in Manchester.

The burgers are brilliant, exceptional and totally moreish, but it's the chicken wings I'm going to bang on about. Called 'Crack Wings,' I can now see why they have been given this title; I don't usually like chicken wings, but I had to have extra portions - I don't know what's in them sauces but I couldn't stop. The Redneck sauce is definitely the best - spicy without killing your taste buds, heavy on the BBQ, immensely yummy. I licked my fingers for the next three hours - I was at a gig, people looked at me strange, I didn't care.

Despite all my reservations around Almost Famous' clever marketing ploys, on trend Charlie Sheen style winning talk and social media faux secrecy hype; I have found somewhere with the most unpretentious of welcomes, the best burgers and wings in town and deep down I really liked pushing open that anonymous door that could have lead anywhere, the butterflies in my tummy as I walked up the stairs and the fact that I'm now in on the secret.

Price for a burger, two portions of wings, a portion of chips and a beer - £18.90

Food - 9/10
Atmosphere - 9/10
Service - 9/10
Value for money - 8/10

Total - 35/40

Go again? Frick yeah! Although I'll have to be quick as they're only going to be open for the next few weekends (they only open Fri and Sat from about 4pm - midnight, though check out their Twitter for more info).

Almost Famous Burgers, Anonymous door in the main part of the Northern Quarter, Manchester. (Like I'm going to tell you where it is - check out the website and twitter to find out more).

Ps - sorry for the lack of photos, I took one of the menu and then chickened out like the massive girl that I am.

Pps - Check out the tiles on the main staircase up, amazingly beautiful.