Monday, 10 September 2012

EXCLUSIVE Breaking News - Almost Famous Chilli Cook Off Tues 25th Party of the YEAR

STOP PRESS - date changed to Tues 25th Sept - STOP PRESS

What would you like in your mouth than a big bit of meat? How about hot, spicy, smoky meatiness? How about hot, spicy, smoky meatiness at a ONE OFF EXCLUSIVE end of summer special party with even hotter girls and even sweeter booze? And what if you could only find out about it/book it HERE?
After the success of Pig Out and to celebrate the passing of the sweetest/warmest/sexiest season, on Tues 26th Sept the Almost Famous kitchen staff will man up take on two fearsome conquistadors for a head to head chilli cook off and they want you to grab some asbestos mouthwash and then get yo’ sweet asses down to celebrate with them for this fiery, one off special.


Bubbly, spicy, fuck yeah goodness

Put the date in your diary NOW, underline it in red and buy yourself a ticket – it’s only £15 per person (with just a £5 deposit needed; so save up your money from selling crack to kids and pay the remainder on the night). What’s that, you need to be in beddy byes by 9pm? Don’t worry; there are two sittings – 5.30-8pm for the babies and 8.30pm till close for the bigger boys. (The later session will go on sale as soon as the first one sells out WHICH IT WILL BY TOMORROW - limited tickets you hear?).
‘But I can just stay at home with my Asda value mince and packet of Schwartz seasoning,’ I can hear your baby mouth whine. This isn’t any old chilli, or any old chilli eating night fools, this is a FAMOUS CHILLI NIGHT – as you enter it starts with the Lil’ Juan, a slider more sloppy than yo’ Mama’s kisses; then there’s going to be the five, fuck off chillies and because Almost Famous value you so much/this is a cook off (duh) they’re asking you to vote which one is best. This will all be followed by music, dancing with yo’ sister and pickling yourself in overproof moonshine.


This ain't your sister (left), but that is yo' mama (right)

So it sounds like a pretty tasty night for anywhere, but this is Famous baby, so you know it’s not going to end there don’t cha? They’re laying down the gauntlet to anyone* who thinks they’re hot/man/crazy enough to enter the Wings of Death competition. Pitting man against lady against chicken; whoever can get to the hottest scale of wings (start at suicide, end at DEATH) and eat more than the measly maggots trying to out-compete them, walks away the victor with a limited edition bottle of Fuck Yeah sauce and claims to international bragging rights/fittest girls in the Northern Quarter/being more winning than Charlie Sheen.
So how do you get to be part of the hottest, spiciest, meatiest party in town? Through this website and NO FUCKING OTHER, BABY. Nosh has secured a pre-order on the tickets, nowhere else can you get your hands on the hot little beauties (or the tickets either) – seeing as Pig Out sold out in two hours I’d order yours RIGHT FUCKING NOW – come on you pussy NOW on this link HERE!.
Ps Dress code Daisy Duke/Bo and Luke Duke/Brokeback/Magnum/Trailer Trash for FREE BOOZE.

Almost Famous, 100 High Street, Northern Quarter, Manchester M4 1HP
*The Wings of Death competition is open to first six fools, I mean people, who email through the contact page HERE – closing date for your entry is midnight Mon 25th Sept. North West Nosh and Almost Famous accept no responsibility if entrants end up wetting themselves/crying to Mummy/ in A+E.